Trader Joe’s Coastal Merlot, 2018 (California)

“Thank You, Next.”

Price at Purchase: $4.49

Location: Trader Joe’s

This coastal wine’s price may make you say “Shell Yeah,” but don’t get tide down by the low cost, since sadly, this bottle is actually a total beach. Want me to be more Pacific?

At first, I was actually excited about this one. Unlike a lot of people, I actually like Merlots and I think they get a bad rap. Merlots are usually super easy to drink and super smooth, which means you can usually pair them with anything and you know it’ll turn out ok. Not the greatest, but decent. Like trying to navigate the parking lot at Trader Joe’s and only scraping two cars. Could you have done better? I guess. Will I? Eh.

This wine has a great floral scent, which was very calming. There’s a well-balanced mix of honey suckle and California Poppy, and to be honest, I was actually very excited about drinking it.

Buoy was I wrong.

“I don’t like it. I’m not happy drinking it. I am displeased.” Those were the exact three sentences that came out of my sister’s mouth as she drank it. Followed by “It’s almost like it’s getting worse!" The problem was that it just didn’t taste like anything! Instead of a great floral taste like we were expecting, it was just sort of….blah. There wasn’t a single fruit that stood out or that we could grasp onto—it was just regular ol’ table wine. The tasting notes on the bottle call it “mellow,” but it’s almost too mellow to the point of being ambiguous. I don’t need my wine to be a punch in the face full of flavor, but c’mon, give me SOMETHING. No one has time for a wallflower wine, even at this price point. We are adults. We can do better.