Barefoot Pinot Grigio, 2016 (California)

“Living on a Pear”

Price at Purchase: $6.25

Location: Safeway

“I smell pear. 1500 times percent.” That gives you an indication of how our night started. To be honest, we had already pounded a bottle before this one (what are rules, anymore?), so our opinions will be a bit more free-flowing than usual.

This is a very thin wine. Extremely thin. Like, “Kelly Kapoor eating a tapeworm to lose weight” thin. And no, it doesn’t have Kelly’s personality to compensate for it. While it had a decent scent of citrus and green apple, there wasn’t much flavor to it. So almost like biting into a pear, but with a shitty alcohol aftertaste. There honestly isn’t that much else to say about this one-- it’s just a boring wine that won’t impress. But in its defense, that’s why it’s only $6, right?

If you’re in the market for a throwaway wine (i.e. you’re in your early 20’s and are buying this because you don’t know any better), then this is your guy and more power to you. Ah, to be young and naive again! But at my sage 28 years of age (and my sister’s old AF 31), we vote to save the calories and the hangover for a better selection.

It’s also v concerning that the label talked more about the “great” food pairings to accompany the wine than the actual wine itself. I’ll totally use this as cooking wine, but stop trying to tell me to have this with pizza—you’re just embarrassing yourself. Plus, my tapeworm told me he hates pizza.